quick blog .

Wow so it's April, and I haven't been on this.
So, this weekend has been shitty. I don't even know what to say, where to start.. so much has been going on that I feel like I've lost myself. I need to keep figuring things out, and get my shit together. Sooo.. I'm job hunting. Yes. and I'm getting my license soon, whoop whoop right? Right.

Schools a drag. I don't know what to say. I want so much, I should stop..


Oh and I hella need to go shopping.. no joke..

when it all falls down .

When it all falls down, it all falls down.
I don't know what to do. I'm so lost and confused. I'm a mess. Nobody see's through my eyes. I'm a hurt soul, and i'm waiting on things to be better. I feel like things aren't going to be better. Lies & denies is what it is. You know what, I'm only speaking the truth. Think about it, everything I have said is true. I feel bad that I don't want to spend time with you guys anymore. Now, I really need to get away. I'm making things worse by staying here.

I do love you guys. I really do. But when everyone is pushing you away, and they start talking about you behind your back.. you just don't want to be there anymore. Not a single word can come out of my mouth anymore. It's like i'm being put on mute. Supposedly, I'm fake, selfish, a bitch, and have anger management. Anger management? Sure, I am tempermental. but supposedly, I would kill someone. HA! Newsflash, I'm not the one the hits. A bitch, I am. Selfish? Hm... only cause I don't have to help out a broke bitch. Kidding. I said I didn't care. & I kinda really don't, but everythings building up. I guess I exploded. Now what ? Whats next ? I'm messing things up. But hey, this selfish, fake, tempermental bitch has got a life ahead of her. Nobody is going to stop me. I'm happy with other things in my life. I just can't be happy with everything. I have myself. That's all I need. I don't kiss up, and I won't. I'm not sorry for what I said. I'm sorry it was heard.

1) grow up, and get off your ass. stop playing the guilt game.
2) stop playing that switching game.
3) stop denying stuff. you're not the best, and you're not 100% real.
4) stop talking, you don't know shit.

You guys just make me look bad. Enough said. I'm tired of this. Remember, I'm on mute.

if you can't accept me, then stop talking about me at least.

trust n o o n e

This is something I have to do by now. Have you ever had someone who you thought would never betray you, betray you? I'm seriously not happy with anything right now. Everything seems to be fucking up, and it all runs back to me. What am I suppose to do? Keep my mouth shut for the rest of my life? Talk to people I "trust"? Welp, I can't do that. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm lost. No joke. I'm not even trying to be dramatic, but everythings just sooo wrong. I'm losing my family, and I don't even trust them. I need to be on my own. I need to get the fuck away. Schools not looking too great, although I am trying my best. Friends... what friends? Seriously.

I'm crying like someone just died.
The End.

kick back & relax ?

Seems like I have no time to just "kick back & relax". & I actually think it'd be nice if everyone could do that! So, I'm back at school & piled up with homework. KILLER can i say ?! I'm actually writing this blog instead of doing my math homework, but oh well ! Lets see, I'll cover 2 days worth of my randomness.

Yesterday was super boring. School was boring. Then came home, and the funniest thing happened. I was about to put my laundry in, and Alex's laundry was in, so we went to get it. It was basically all soaped up. We waited hella long for that shit to be done, and when we opened the door, white bubble came running out of the washer ! oh no, so we had to clean it all up & trust me, it was the most crazy thing. & I couldn't tell my dad because he would have been pissed off...to the max. Uh huh! But it all worked out in the end, except just a whole big pile of bubbles left outside the door.

Today I didn't go to first period because that teacher keeps pissing me off, and its just building up, inside my head.. of how much he annoys me. Seriously, he needs to learn how to shut the fuck up. So I went to my IWE class, and stayed in there... yeah Mr.Correa is super chill. Hahaha. School was boring. Nothing interesting happened. Now I'm home, and I'll probably do some homework, and then talk to my love, and sleep. This is my daily routine. It sucks. I need something new in life.

My parents are still crazy. I don't know what to do with them. I hate being inbetween stupid situations, because I can't take sides. But whatever. They need to grow up. " I will not be like them when I grow up ." That, I tell myself. I have goals, and I will accomplish them. Until my next blog, later !

" each day gets better "

I have too much I want to write about, so here we go again .

Right at this second .. .I got an IM from someone who has been bothering the fuck outta me. Can some boys just ... hop off my "dick" ? Okay, I don't have a dick. But please.. some people need to learn how to hop off a girls invisible dick. I hate when you're cool with someone, and then they become to get a little TOO much. & then you try to ignore them. Ah, I feel bad sometimes. But hey, whatever.

What would life be like without music ?

Shit , I don't even know. I live by quotes from songs. No joke, music keeps me sane. But, I'm pretty sure it keeps many, many, MANY people sane .. if not everyone. Music seriously puts me in "awe". I listen to music every second of my life. Unless I'm at school, or out doing something. I'm currently loving John Legend. He's a beast. Real talk, his music is real. You know how some singers become artists just because they can "sing", even though some can't even sing..? but whatever. I hate that. I'm sorrry. Real artists like John Legend puts me in awe, I'll say. It's truly inspirational. & I love my boy. I'm his number one fan. He currently recorded a song for me, and it's the cutest thing ever. I listen to it everyday. SHH, it's a secret.

I'm keeping this thing like my private journal.
iloveyourider.

let my mind s p e a k .

So, I guess this will give me something to do when I'm really bored eh? Or maybe, I'll just write a whole buncha SHIZZNITS on here. Who knows, I don't. I don't even know what I'm trying to say, or my point exactly in writing this. Hahaha. So here goes a bunch of more random thoughts.

I'm sick right now. I've been sick. I can't seem to get rid of this major headache that I've been having forever. I've been missing school a lot, and it makes me feel like a failure. I'm not a failure though !!

Enough about school. I feel like I don't have any "real" friends, except maybe 3. I don't know, that was a random number. But it's pretty accurate, I would say. . . maybe, I should just try to accept people, because we're all human. Whether we talk shit, or we don't. I don't have to be everyone's "friend" right? Ha, right. Cause I'm SOOOO not !

I've been wanting to get away. Somewhere where it'll take my mind off things... lets say, reality. I want to go somewhere, where when I come back and HAVE to deal with "reality", I could think about my lovely time away.. and it'll make me happy ;) if you know what I mean. Okay, I'll just say it. I want to see this nigga bitch. The end.

P.S. I've been attempting to learn how to play guitar. I want to be on youtube, singing songs with my guitar. HAHA. Watch, I'll do it one day !

so that was random. first blog. don't shit on me.